It's only been six weeks....

It's only been six weeks since we officially started our adoption journey. Six short weeks. Yet, I sit here and am in awe of what we have accomplished during this short period of time.

1. We met with a lawyer to discuss our legal options.
2. Developed a blog and Facebook Page.
3. Decided that adoption was the path we would choose.
4. Joined Families for Private Adoption (FPA is an advocacy group for private adoption)
5. Made contacts within FPA and got some great feedback from current members.
6. Researched adoption topics via the Internet, books/articles, & talking to other adoptive parents
7. Visited several Adoption Agencies and attended orientations sessions
8. Applied with an Adoption Agency to perform our home study
9. Scheduled our first home study visit
10. Made reservations to attend an Adoption Workshop presented by FPA

What will the next six weeks bring? I'm excited to find out, and can't wait to see the progress we will make. 

~Anthony

And so it begins...

Good morning everyone. Sorry we've been a little quiet this past week on the blog. We had family staying with us from out-of-town, and between work and everyday life demands, I just haven't had time to write a post.
As I sit here and decide what I want to write about, the title of this post seems most appropriate - although I really can't define what "it" means. What exactly is beginning? Yesterday, we submitted our application to begin the home study process. This is the 2 - 4 month process of having a social worker ensure our home is a stable environment for a child, taking some educational classes to prepare us for adoption, and getting "approval" to adopt. Submitting the application was the easy part. Next we get a case worker assigned to us, and then the real fun begins with a large packet of paperwork.

So, I guess it is official - we are trying to adopt. It felt weird in a way as we drove down to the agency to speak with them one last time before signing my life away....Just Kidding!! It was exciting and awesome. There we were getting ready to take an action that would profoundly affect the rest of our lives. When you start thinking about it like that, this is what life is all about. The everyday choices you make steer the course and direction that life will take you. This decision to start the adoption process may one day lead to my sitting on the front porch with my own grandchildren. Is it really possible? I can't say definitely, but this decision puts us one step closer to that reality.

And so it begins...

~Anthony

H-O-P-E

This is such a small and simple word; yet, it is one of the most powerful in the dictionary.

With HOPE, I believe adoption can happen.
With HOPE, I trust that a birthmother will one day choose us.
With HOPE, I am sure we will be great parents.
With HOPE, I know the light will shine through my darkest days.
With HOPE, We will persevere.

Got HOPE?

~Anthony

Leap of Faith

Good morning everyone. It's been several days since I last posted, so I thought it was time to put my thoughts out there again - as I know you've been counting the days since my last post :-)

Over the past 3 weeks Jason and I have learned a lot about what it takes to have a child for a couple in our situation. We started out just knowing that we wanted to have a child. So, the next obvious thing was to make the baby - oops....nature doesn't work that way for us. Consider the children you have had in your life and how relatively simple it was to create them. Our hearts break every time we here a story of how someone "accidentally" got pregnant. If only it could be that easy.

Actually, our next step was a visit with an attorney - someone that specializes in adoption and assisted reproductive technology (ART) law. This visit, to say the least, was overwhelming as we had a lot of information presented to us in only an hour and a half. I walked away from this meeting angry, confused, and overwhelmed. I think the anger came from the fact that I was having a pity party, asking "Why do I have to go through this just to have a child". Luckily, today, I am no longer in that mode of thinking.

The next thing we had to figure out was what we wanted to do - adoption or gestational surrogacy (GS). Note: we only considered GS as this is a type of surrogacy where the woman carrying the child does not use her eggs - so, there is no biological relationship to the child - and the law gets too tricky when you use traditional surrogacy (TS) where you actually use the carrier's eggs.

There are pros and cons to both, running the full gamut of considerations from emotional to financial:

• How can we ask someone to carry a baby for us and then expect her to give it up even though it is not biologically hers?
• What kind of impacts will there be on her family?
• Where are we going to find the estimated $60,000 - $80,000 to make surrogacy happen?
• Will our state allow us to adopt?
• If we adopt, will our baby feel normal (as normal can be - whatever that is)?
• Where are we going to find the estimated $25,000 to make adoption happen?

I could go on and on. Just know that we seriously considered both options, and there was a lot more discussion involved. After several weeks we narrowed down our choice to Domestic Adoption, which means we are looking to adopt a baby within the United States.

The next decision we have to make is if we want to use an agency to help us with the adoption search or if we want to try a private adoption and not involve an agency. I think we are leaning toward trying the private adoption first, for a limited timeframe, and then adding the services of an agency if we are unsuccessful on our own.

So, where does that leave us today? We have to pick an agency to do our homestudy (which is a process of a social worker deeming us (or one of us since we can't adopt together in the discriminating state of Virginia) acceptable candidates for adoption. Then, once approved, we (or one of us) can legally adopt and start "advertising" ourselves.

Sounds easy, right? Well, this is where we are having trouble. We want to make all of the right decisions upfront, so we don't have any mistakes along the way. This isn't so much about being perfect; rather, it's about time and money. We don't want to waste either, which is why we are being so meticulous during this initial phase.

At some point, though, we just have to take that leap of faith and make a decision. I only hope once we leap, we land on solid ground.

~Anthony

Real life and the internet…..

            Well, we completed another step today. (This is Jason by the way!) We met with a social worker at an adoption agency today regarding our home study. It was quite unplanned which might have been a good thing. After speaking with her regarding setting up an appointment in two weeks, we all decided we could meet today and the next thing you know, we were headed downtown. It was a very wonderful experience. They are a non-profit, so there was no pressure at all. She answered our questions and went way above and beyond the 30 minute consultation they regularly provide (she spent about 90 minutes with us!). This was great, but I think the fact that she listened to our questions and provided the answers we needed made it even more productive.

Moral of the story for today: sometimes the things you read on the internet are wrong. I know, many of you don’t believe me regarding that statement, but after speaking with her we do feel the home study can be accomplished! Plus, it can be completed without us wanting to pull our hair out or just give up on this all together. I think the home study will not be as daunting as it appeared at first. It also helps we are not being forced to rush through it. I just am glad to say that my fears of the home study I spoke about in the previous post are much better now. It will be a lot of work and require a large amount of time, but I guess I should remember something a couple of you have reminded me of: Nothing worth anything comes easily.  

Then as we finished our meeting, she mentioned that it is really unfair how social workers/adoption agencies are made to be the evil ones on the television shows. Anthony spoke up to agree, reminding me as to how I analyze the fact the medical terms, equipment and actions are so far off as well. So, we have another moral for the day: Don’t trust what you see on TV. I guess most of these morals and statements are pretty common sense, but it is great to see them in real life.

 So, yes, it is a positive day. We are moving along toward the eventual goal, so each step is one step closer. Today has been very productive and I am sure there are many more to come. J

Decisions, Decisions.....

            Those who know Anthony and I realize we are very big planners. That is an understatement, actually. So, being that we are now in the process of adopting a child, one would think that we could simply work down the checklist of things to do and just complete each step. Well, if only it were that simple.

First, we must decide how to go about this adoption. Will we utilize an agency or will we do it privately? The agency would be more expensive but would handle pretty much everything and aid us in locating a birth mother. Privately, we would have to do all of the “leg-work”. That sounds like it might be more fun I know (insert sarcasm here) but it will take a lot of effort. I am not saying we do not want to put forth the effort, but something as simple as posting our profile on an adoption site is not even simple for us. The largest one out there does not allow gay couples to “advertise” themselves and therefore a birth mother would not find us there. This would limit our potential contacts. (Aside from the fact that it is just not right, but that is another post)

I guess I am just becoming flustered and we cannot decide on which agency we might use to get started. If we have a home study completed by one agency and then decide to use another, will they accept the home study or will we have to go through this again? How do you choose something that could decide whether or not you may or may not ever be connected with that person who will choose us? I know I have to just have faith that it will happen as it is meant to, but sometimes I guess it is easier to say that than actually believe it.

Once we decide if we will use an agency or not, we will then have to begin the process of the home study. That sounds like a huge barrel of fun (yes, I’ll take another order of sarcasm) and could take a while. I don’t fear the study, as we easily could provide a loving, safe and comfortable home for any child. What I do fear is that I know it will be stressful to do all of the items required for the home study. If you get bored, Google what is included in an adoption home study. It will provide for some great reading.

Well, I will end the post on a very positive note. Anthony has been doing a great deal of work today with the process and he made me feel much better just by being in a good mood and having a good outlook on the entire thing. That my friends is why the relationship works. We can bring the other one back up whenever we start to doubt. I guess that is what it’s all about!

Déjà Vu

Good morning blogging world. Do you ever get the feeling that you've done something before; a feeling so strong that tells you you've experienced the same phenomenon at some point in the past yet you know you've never been in that situation? Well, this is called Déjà vu, and let me tell you that I am definitely experiencing it this morning - albeit with a slight modification.

You see, once again I am up at 2:00 am on a Monday. It was just last week that I was up at the same time with all of this baby information on my mind. We had just gone public with our announcement, and had a lot of excitement, questions, concerns, and fear about the future. Fast forward to today, one week later, and I find myself in the same exact position. All of the same emotions and feelings are still there, as well as the lack of sleep.

So, although this is not truly déjà vu, I have a feeling I'll be seeing a lot of days like these in my future. I know we are still early on in the process and there will be many peaks and valleys to come. I just hope it all works out in the end for us.

Good morning blogging world. Do you ever get that feeling that you've done something before.....ok; this last sentence was a joke to give you a feeling of déjà vu. I apologize in advance for my nerdiness.
~A

Through the eyes of a child

Good morning & happy Saturday. It's another wet morning here in Richmond, VA, and I swear it's been raining for 2 weeks straight. Today is the first day of October, and you can feel fall is just around the corner. I love this time of year - cool and crisp mornings followed by perfect afternoon temperatures with no humidity. I can remember being a kid and getting excited about picking pumpkins at the pumpkin patch, and jumping in piles of leaves at my friend's house down the street. Oh to be a kid again. 

I think what I miss most about being a child, though, is the innocence, happiness, and lack of fear that every child is born with.

I cannot wait to see the world through my child's eyes: the look on their face when they believe the world is a wonderful place where no one is out to do harm; the look on their face when something so simple brings out a wonderful smile; the look on their face when they believe they are invincible and can conquer the world.

Of course, these qualities tend to disappear as we age. I'm not exactly sure when it happens, but for most of us it does. The sad thing is that the world would be a much better place if we all tried to look at it through the eyes of a child: a world where everyone tries to help one another; a world where sorrow and despair have no home; a world where prejudice, bullying, and hate have no existence.

So, on this first unofficial day of fall, I ask that you take a few minutes and try to see life through the eyes of a child. It just might bring a smile to your face and bring back the hope that is so desperately needed today. I'm ready....are you?

~A